I came back home from Cambridge earlier than usual because Jonathan has gone to see Kreator in London. I was relaxing and becoming a little bored… so I picked up my scissors and snipped myself a Star Wars racer back out of an XL tshirt I bought and never wore.
I don’t know if I’m being brave or stupid posting this.
Photo by my lover, beenabadbunny
I feel special to know you :) xxx feel amazing everyday.
Me at Fort Gardens in Gravesend.
Amanda. 25. Virginia. Starting to love myself.
Otis is a very wiggly dog. He does not like to cuddle very much. But bribery will get you everywhere. He cannot resist a Greenie. That will get you about a 10 minute cuddle. 12, if you give him belly scratches.
I’ve been getting questions about how I’m doing. People always notice when I don’t post as much original stuff. They know it usually means I don’t feel great. Which is kind of a nice feeling because it makes me feel like people care about me beyond the funny things I do.
I’m in a weird state. I have definitely felt worse. My depression is pretty tolerable with the new medication. But I’m just physically fatigued. I have all this stuff I want to accomplish, but I just don’t have the energy to do any of it. It’s been like this for four weeks.
Logically I know I’ll get better. Because I always have. But that irrational part of my brain likes to whisper things like, “What if you never feel better than this? You’d be pretty screwed. What if you die before you touch another boob? What if JJ Abrams screws up Star Wars? What if your foot falls off and Otis eats it before they can reattach it? What if sprinkles are actually clown poop?”
That part of my brain can get really weird. I don’t know why I listen to it. But it sounds convincing in the moment.
I know that feeling sir. It will pass and remember to listen to the part of your mind that knows that.
Thoughts with you. X
I don’t think I’ve ever posted a full-length photo of myself anywhere. But whatever.
A necessary message for all the nice guys out there.
Tattooed and Employed and getting my jugs out…